White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
