Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
