so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
