All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
