you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
