pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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