i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
