I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
