so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
