I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
