Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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