Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
