Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
