I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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