Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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