I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
