I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
