She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
