and i looked up. we had an audience...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
