just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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