why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
