Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
