She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
