Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize