I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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