FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
