I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize