it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
