I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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