I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
