Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
