her vagine was all disorganized.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
