how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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