When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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