I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize