My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
