I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
