Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
