there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
