im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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