He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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