I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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