i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
