I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
