Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
