Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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