Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
