how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize