im drinking this country out of the recession.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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