Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
