:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
