He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize