i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
