wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
