I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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