It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
