Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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