dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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