Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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