Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
