If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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