Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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