i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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