Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
