somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Barsexuality is the new black.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
