I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
