Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
