Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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