We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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