I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
