Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
