reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
