You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
