3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
