Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
