Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
