Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
