I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
