You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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