i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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