dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
