Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just had sex on a roof
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
