My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
