Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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