i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
