she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
