i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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