I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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