I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
