Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
