i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
only if we run a train.
done.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
