oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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