He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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