Your face is a jimmy john
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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