batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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