no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize