yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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