I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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