I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
