i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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