my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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